Exhaustion

I have so much to do...and all I really want is a good night's sleep. It has been 5+ months since I slept for more than three hours in one setting. I am exhausted! I wouldn't not trade Miss B for anything in the world but I need sleep!
This is what my week has looked like:
-40 hour work week
27 hours of volunteer time
-3 final papers (One is 10 pages)
-Online comments for school
-Breast feed
-Pump at 12 AM and 3AM
-Plan a retreat for the committee I am the chair of
-Training to become a Prepare and Enrich Marriage Mentor

Within each of these line items there is at least 100 tasks to do.

And...I haven't even mentioned be a wife, friend, sister, daughter, aunt...any of it!

Loves and hugs--I hope I make it through this week. I will keep you posted!
Erin

I must confess...

Hello, my name is Erin and I sleep with the same blanket every night...um...since I was 12.

It's true. (I still have the same blanket from when I was a baby (Bimby) but I retired it. It sits safe in my 'hope chest' so it doesn't get ruined.) My mom bought us (my sisters and I) new blankets when I was young and I put my 'Bimby' away and switched blankets. This blanket that I love is brown and blue with horrible little flowers. It is so worn out you can see through it. It has horrible patch jobs. It is a sad little blanket.  BUT I LOVE IT. Minus vacations, I sleep with it EVERY night. Even CC has been known to cuddle with it when he is sick. It is the source of a good night's sleep and the cure all in our house...

And....my dog, Chica and my baby, Brek have decided that this blanket (my blanket) is their property.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I do not think you understand the relationship I have with this blanket...I am up for sharing but...plain and simple--IT'S MINE!

Loves and hugs-I sound like a 2 year old.
Erin

Four Months

Brek is almost 5 months...time is flying by.

Here are her 4 month stats:
Weight: 11.10 oz
Height: 24 3/8 inches

She is a tiny little thing

Loves and hugs-I love her!
Erin

300th Post

I desperately wish for something amazing to post about but as of late all of my post stem around the most amazing gift of all, Brek. Miss B. is 4 months old, last week. I cannot believe how quickly time flies.

These are the things I know to be true of our darling girl.

She greets me EVERY morning with a smile.
We spend at least an hour feeding and cuddling.
When I get home at night she always smiles.
Her bond with her daddy is like nothing I have ever experienced.
She sleeps through the night.
She is one of the happiest babies I have ever met.
She entertains company.
She is in love with her toys.
She is extremely independent.
She is obsessed with Chica even though Chica doesn't know what to think of her.

I have changed too...
I am much calmer.
I do not like working extra hours, I want to be home ASAP.
I want to lose weight but breast feeding is my number one priority.
I love my husband in a new way.
I take a picture of her every day and get upset if we miss a day (we have only missed two days)
My house has toys everywhere, even in our bed.
I am that mom that talks about her baby all of the time.
I like it when people ask me for crunchy tips.
Vinegar is my new bleach, we clean everything with it.

Loves and hugs--I guess my 300th post wasn't so bad.
Erin

Prioritizing

Guilt.

I feel guilty most of the time. It is an ugly beast that has followed me all my life. Right now the guilt stems from being ok. An ok mom, ok at work, ok at school, an ok wife, an ok friend, and ok at practicum.

So to make me feel better, I am taking the morning off from all my commitments and spending the morning with Brek. This means no church, no volunteering, no shopping, no phone calls, no emails, nothing. Just the two of us.

CC is on his own...he can go rock climbing, church, shopping, to his shop. Just so it is just me and my girl, just for a while.

Loves and hugs-I hope ok is enough because it's all I've got.
Erin

This Year's Theme

At the end of last year we had two major life changing events, three if you count me adding 10-15 hours a week to finish school. I posted a blog titled, the places you will go.

With all the changes and stress we have been through...I want to start living that theme OUT LOUD!

Loves and hugs-so many new places to go.
Erin

Ugh

My favorite website, pinterest is getting ruined. Maybe it is the people following/me following them but there are things on there that I do not want popping up. Its religious stuff...if I want it I will find it (btw-this isn't the stuff I would ever look for-not in a million years-been there done that.)

Loves and hugs-suppose its better this way, I shouldn't waste so much time on there.
Erin

So much to say so little time

These are the thing I couldn't live without
-My crunchy friends that keep me focused
-The angel care monitoring system
-Medela breast pump
-Bravado nursing bras
-Disposable and non disposable nursing pads
-Protein and water
-Sleep sacks
-Nursing pillow

Things I didn't know I could live without
-Sleep
-Personal time
-Adult beverages (I have one every few days...but a gal could use a couple)

Things I didn't know I would experience
-Joy
-Worry, fear, anxiety, etc.
-Happiness to the core
-Love
-Protector
-Memory loss, of all the stress of trying to get pregnant

Loves and hugs-I have so much more to say....maybe another day.
Erin

Things are looking up

My milk is starting to flow again! Phew, that was too close for comfort. I am still low on production in the evening but I am pumping close to 11 oz during the work day. My newest issue now is my 6 PM and 9 PM feedings, I am not able to satisfy Brek so we end up finishing with a bottle (breast-milk of course) but at least the outlook is positive.

I can see why working moms give up breast-feeding so quickly.

It is hard.

I am so thankful that I have enough supply and a daughter that latches even though 50% of her feedings are from a bottle.

When I was younger I would have NEVER considered breast-feeding. Thank God I didn't have children when I was younger. He definitely knows what we need and when we are ready for new challenges.

I will leave you with the 3 month picture of Brek!

Her daddy dresses her and even puts bows in her hair...just for me!

Loves and hugs--Just happy.
Erin

Omg!

Being sick for the last five days has taken a toll on my breast milk stockpile. After tomorrow, ther will be ZERO ounces of milk in my fridge and freezer! Brek is increasingly hungry and I have nothing stored. I am officially panicking. Today, I only pumped 6 oz yes, 6 oz out of three pumping sessions. I was pumping 15ish a day at the end of last week, and I was freaking out then because she eats 20. What am I to do? I do not want that sweet baby on nasty formula.

The guilt.
The horror.
The shame.
The tears.
The spit up.
The nasty poop smell.

I am going to try to do a power pump this weekend. I started drinking mother's milk tea. I am going add a 3 AM pumping session back into the schedule. I am going to increase protein. I am going increase water to over a gallon (I already drink about a gallon day.) I could try fenugrek again but I don't think it worked.

Loves and hugs- I can overcome this, I have to overcome this!
Erin

Update

I thought I was better yesterday so I went to work....it was short lived, four hours. My friends at worked took extra care scheduling a doc appointment for me. (My doc is on vacation until February 13.)

He said the clinic did on ok job, very standard, because the infection went into my kidneys he would have done something a little different. He actually said, 'the treatment the clinic gave you is like trying to take an elephant down with a BB gun when the job clearly calls for a bazooka.'

Bazooka indeed, I was there 1.5 hours, three prescriptions, and two shots later I went home. I think I feel better, but it is to early to tell. At midnight I woke up soaking wet again but it subsided and this morning I am semi-functioning. Hope I can hold out-there are 400, 7th graders that need entertained over a four hour period today, and I am the gal that has to do it...alone.

Loves and hugs-V-Day is around the corner, are you ready? Cupid is scattering love all over our house!
Erin

I thought I was dying...

Not kidding, I have been out for the past four days. As some of you know I volunteer on the weekends so I can finish my degree, I am so close I can taste it. I woke up in the wee hours of the morning in pain. I took an ib profane didn't think another think about it. I went about my day. CC and I were on our way to dinner and I got a horrible fever (it was only a ten minute drive to the restaurant) we turned around and came home.

Sunday morning I woke up to a stabbing pain in my lower back, (so much for volunteering)comparable to delivering a baby. CC checked to see what time the clinic opens, 10:00, dang. I suffered threw fighting a fever and sharp pains. Our clinic experience was typical, bad service and sitting in the waiting room. It turns out I had a kidney infection and my white blood count was high. Because I breast feed I cannot take the 'super' antibiotics so the doc said if the antibiotics did not work I would have to be admitted to the hospital. What the crap?!? I had another fun filled, fever night, I would either wake up shivering or soaking wet. Rough night. I thought for sure I was getting admitted. As it turns out my white blood count went down, phew. But the fevers did not go away until late this morning.

Loves and hugs--My very cute daughter turned 12 weeks yesterday!
Erin

Snooze

My new snooze button is Brek. Instead of hitting the button one more time I need to kiss her just one more time. I could spend all morning holding, cuddling, kissing her. She is the most adorable little gal.

I wake up 2.5 hours before I leave for work just to be with her as much as possible. At night I hold her until the last possible moment.

Loves and hugs-She is the new snooze.
Erin

10 Weeks!

Brek reaching! She is so big!!

Today's Picture

Loves and hugs-She is gorgeous!
Erin

Just what I need

Another project...I want to start couponing, not just clip coupons and save a few dollars. I am talking Extreme Couponing where you get $100 in groceries and spend $10. If any of you get the Sunday paper and want to help I would love your coupons. Because of my crazy life it might take me a few months to figure it out.

Most of you know I am a picky eater, my plan is to donate the extra food and supplies to the food bank or other nonprofits. After watching the show, Extreme Couponing, there are so many free items that slip by.

Brek update, she is a doll! She has been sleeping through the night for a couple of weeks! She goes to bed at 9 and wakes around 6. This is perfect for my work schedule, I go in at 8:30 so I can spend as much time as she needs feeding her. She is a slow eater it takes about 40-50 mins. I do not care because it is our special time.

School started on January 13, and I start volunteering this weekend. I have 10 clients I will visit after work and on weekends.

Loves and hugs-Add extreme couponing to the mix and really I have nothing on my plate.
Erin

Love Box

I am just now realizing that I have to do 2 love boxes this year! I haven't started yet...what to do?
If you have any ideas for my sweet little newborn...I am open for suggestions. I think I have Mr. CC covered but you never know!

When we found out we were pregnant Love Boxes were on clearance so I purchased one for B...CC is jealous because her's is bigger than his. The love that goes into them is equal!

Loves and hugs--What are you V-day plans?
Erin

Midnight Feeding

Brek has dropped the midnight feeding but Mama has not. Since I have been back to work I tend to pump 3 oz--Brek eats 4 oz. Keeping the midnight feeding gives me the extra oz to keep a full stock for them. Keeping her 100% breast fed is so important to me...In case I get down, I might need help remembering this in a couple of months.

Loves and hugs-off to bed.
Erin

At Home Daddy

That man I am married too is the best daddy! I officially went back to work this week, the first day was fine but day two, notsomuch!

It all started when I left the house, Miss B was wide awake cooing and smiling. Then a typical day at work but add in emotions, missing a pumping session, spending more time than necessary with a few people, and working late=stressed out/guilty mama.

But the redemption to a bad day is an amazing dad taking care of baby B. Dinner was on the table-house clean-breaking the schedule for extra cuddle time. He knows exactly what our family needs. Love him! Oh, did I forget to mention he sends me a picture of her every morning? Well, he does, and I need it.

Today's Pic...I know it is sideways...I will take what I can get! :)

Today was better. If you have a baby please try to take 12 weeks, 7 is NOT enough. In fact England allows 6 months and Canada gives one year...just saying'.

Loves and hugs-family (whatever it looks like) is one of the most important things.
Erin, tired and hormonal

Childlike Experience

Brek brings new joy to our life. Holidays we would otherwise pass by now have new meaning to us. The line up is fairly standard every holiday and her developments. One of the firsts I hope for is sleeping all night.

2011 was good to us, many blessings and only a few bumps.
January-New Job!
February-Trip to Vegas...and you do the math!
March-Discovered we were pregnant!
April-Trip to Cozumel and cruise with my mom.
May-Went back East to CC's bother's officer ceremony.
June-Septmber-Pregnant during the summer, oh my!
October-CC received bad news.
November-Brek joined our family!
December-Bonding/adjusting to our new life.

Loves and hugs-May 2012 bring as much excitement as 2011!
Erin

Schedule

I will start 2012 going back to work.

It's bitter sweet. I am finally starting to feel 'normal' and would LOVE to have another five weeks to bound, organize, and visit my family and friends. The sweet part is I enjoy working and look forward to having some of my own identity back...if only the pregnancy pounds would disappear.

I mentioned we started doing Baby Wise in CC and Erin fashion. The concepts the we use (for now) are scheduling. The first 8 weeks you do 3 hour blocks of time, for example our scheule (on most days) looks like this:
12:00 AM - Eat
3:00 AM - Eat
6:00 AM - Eat
9:00 AM - Eat
10:00 AM - Awake Time: Tummy Time, bouncy chair, bath, cuddle, reading, singing, talking
11:00 AM - Nap
12:00 PM - Eat
1:00 PM - Awake Time: etc...
2:00 PM - Nap
3:00 PM - Eat
4:00 PM - Awake Time: etc...
5:00 PM - Nap
6:00 PM - Eat
7:00 PM - Cuddle, bedtime
9:00 PM - Eat

This is the 'master plan' however, she will sleep longer at night, or we have visitors, or we get tired before nap time, you catch my drift we adapt. We try to keep on this routine or something in a three hour block depending on the timing.

This is where we differ from baby wise, they suggest you STiCK to the schedule, but If she cries or I just want to hold her, I do!

In other news...we went on our first date this week. CC's mom came and babysat for a few hours.

Loves and hugs-scheduling helps keep me sane...and stressed all at the same time!
Erin